Memory L@ne

2007-06-05T09:39:00.000+08:00

2007-04-16T20:04:00.000+08:00

I've shifted to a new home.. Catch me there!

http://fizzyfuzzy.wordpress.com/

2007-04-15T15:57:00.000+08:00

My Business process exam is totally buang. I really shouldn't have spent my 2 days intensively on it. I Spent almost 14 hours on each day for the bloody paper. But, when i was holding my exam paper in my hands, i could only marvel at how my prof could twist a question to such a state that was beyond recognition. =_=

Well.. it's OVER!! we should always look at what's coming!!! hahaa... Last nite i went merchant court for buffet dinner. Mr Nice Louis in the end "foot" the bill coz we need the discount from his card... hahaa!! so in the end, the nice meal only cost like 32 bucks per pax!!! cheap! hahahaa.. considering that we got to eat durian custard thingy and the crayfish!! hahaha..

After that, we went to vivocity for theh movie shooter. Nice movie, nice plot. The storyline is good, Just that i couldn't catch what they were saying as they were mumbling through. Luckily my Chinese is not that bad, i could catch the subtitles. hahaa!! well welll.. was a nice evening although i was sooooo tired. I could juz fall asleep if u let me sit there for a min. haha..

WELL!!! for today, i checked my email and got my comms report grade!!! i'm so happpyy!!! our report got an A+!!! hahaa... happy happpppy.. I think i will at least get a B+ for this module bahz... Hope so.... =)

2007-04-12T10:35:00.000+08:00

Caffeine overdosed for sure.... The last time i took a peep at my alarm clock was at 5am. My god.. I was lying on my bed for almost 2 hours before the caffeine wore off. Anyway i've got a nightmare last nite.. all about linear programming and shit. Haiz. 日有所思，夜有所梦。 Sometimes, i juz need to take things easy, but not too easy till the extend that i don't study. That's bad. Last nite was bad enough as i was practically lazing in front of my tv for hours before i started to realize i'm a goner for the paper later. Well well well.. Now it shall all depend on luck!

Besides lazing in front of the tv for hours, i was practically msning to catch up with some of my friends. (Look at how many hours i've been lazing around, doin everything else except for studying.) Well, the world is just so small. 2 years back, when i got to talk to my dear Yishan (my pri sch best friend), who is a smu student as well, i can't deny that the world is VERY small. She turned out to be the camp facilitator for the orientation camp which i refuse to attend. It's just the typical me lahz.. Then, we talked on phone for quite sometime and realized that most of my sec sch friends turned out to be her friends too. Anderson JC is too much like a second home for Amkians to "migrate" to. =_= Then... Yesterday while i was talking to weili. well, it turned out that his ex gf is from my sec sch and was my good friend's ex. It's so complicated. What's more interesting is that, that ger used to hang out with louis and his clique too. So, he knows quite a few things about their clique. Well, that includes someone whom i don't really want to know more. I'm petty lahz. Well, everyone seems to be interlinked and that's proven by friendster as u can see how we link from one to another.

Okie.. better get my ass off and go to school. Need to print lots of shitty stuff. can't wait for this paper to be over.

2007-04-11T23:54:00.000+08:00

Sometime, we often wonder, why things always strike when we are down. There could be 3 or 4 things all happening at the same time, torturing us. However, if we take a step back, and look at all these mess. This could be a good thing. At least when all things happened at the same time, we are sure that the suffering days are shorter. It is definitely better when things happen one after another, prolonging the painful period.

What doesn't kill us make us stronger. Life is cruel, reality leave no sympathy for us. We just need to learn to pick up from where we fall. When life is cruel to us, all we can do is to be even more cruel. Be strong to smile at those had happened, and throw them behind us cruelly.

We will always be there for you, to lend u a helping hand. To pull u up from this mess. You are not alone. =)

2007-04-11T16:03:00.000+08:00

hmmm.. i cleared the bloood test.. too much bad cholesterol but hor,... i got equally high good cholesterol too.. well.. jUz got to forgo my kway chap, western food, seafood and most importantly my chicken wings.. arghhh... this is shitty. I doubt louis would let me eat them for supper from today onwards.

I got super high protein. As in, it's within the range but is good.. haha... soy bean milk works! hahaa..

Anyway.. there a inhuman paper tomolo and another paper on saturday. I can't wait for saturday to come. Well, i screwed the OCBC interview.. haiz.. i dun think will get it anyway =|

2007-04-10T18:13:00.000+08:00

I really think my Qm exam paper would literally means exam PAPER. One sheet of paper. From what i've seen from the previous trend, i think he is really out to save tree while putting his students at stake. =_=

One question of 4 sentences. How to solvE!?!!!! is machaim putting a baby in the water and tell him to swim.
I guess we would be like the baby. Drown even before we learn to swim. Aiyooo.. Who has a rent-a-brain company. I in need of a mathematical brain that can do linear programming.

2007-04-09T21:09:00.000+08:00

my mum got freaked out when i told her that the doctor found lumps in my breast. Well.. i understand why she's so alarmed. Coz there were far too many cases of breast cancer in my house. Well.. If it's meant to be, it'll be. She asked if i'm scared. I'm not really scared and she insist on goin ultrasound for me. But is like... FOR WHAT?!! in the end i would still be the one inside goin thru the whole process. Haiyo...

Anyway.. i not worry about the breast thingy lahz.. I'm quite sure it's alrite. Juz like the pap smear shit.. i'm worried about the blood test. the blood count and shit.. leukemia. How scary it is...

Paranoid paranoid.. I can't wait for the results to be known.

The Qm is mission impossible lahz... wah kaoz.. it is totally inhumane. Is juz like alien language to me. I swear i suspect my final exam paper would only have a page, considering that all his questions are either 2 lines or sometimes, 4. What the hell.

2007-04-09T13:20:00.000+08:00

I've been wanting to go for a blood test since like 2 years ago. Last nite, i told myself to go for the blood test and body checkup. Upon hearing the list of cancer history my family have, she really did a thorough check up for me. First is the breast. As usual, i got lumpy breast, so she referring me to mount avernia for ultrasound. Then she drew some blood for testing.

Haiz.. hope things will be fine. =_=

As for the interview, it's quite a boring job as it would be loooong working hours and loooong day in the office. I tried to look enthusiastic about it.. but i guess she can see that i not very keen to do B2B marketing in IT business abhz.. Well.. now i'm more interested in the OCBC job. i want to get that job!!!!!

Well.. hope my health is okie. Oh my god.. i really dunno what got into me. Why did i go for such test.=_=

2007-04-08T22:23:00.000+08:00

OCBC personnel called for an interview tomolo at about 12. But i'm goin to Solidworks for an interview at 10. I'm so afraid that i couldn't make it in time for the interview, so i lied. =_="" i said that i got a paper tomolo, which is not true. I'm sorry but i can't possibly tell them i got to go for another interview.

well well.. I noe the OCBC job is definitely better than the solidworks. BUT.... i juz got this feeling i will end up in solidworks. Arghh.. OCBC is an one year internship while solidworks is about 3 months internship. Well.. let's juz see how things go. Shall juz leave this to fate and god.

2007-04-07T13:44:00.000+08:00

i really dun understand china profs... can they juz give us sth simpler to do? I screwed the midterm and now, i guess i goin to screw my exam big time.

This is a sample of what the questions will look like.
We are given an undirected graph with n nodes, and three possible labels. We are interested in deciding whether we can associate a label to each node, so that any two nodes connected by an edge have different labels. let E denite the set of edges in the graph. Formulate an integer linear programming problem which is feasible if an only if such a labeling is possible.

What i saw this question, What comes to my mind is only "WHAT THE FU*CK! I'M SCREWED."

But in the final exams, there would be 5 of such questions, so i guess i would repeat this 5 times, and at the grand finale, i would tell myself, i would get a D for this module., Arghh.. there's seriously nothing i could do in the textbook. the textbook doesn't teach what he wants. I need a brain which is made in china, brought up in china. Perhaps that's the only key for me to get a decent grade.

2007-04-06T15:12:00.000+08:00

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"

This is the quote that miss peggy believes in. perhaps i should believe in this too and stop whining about the slightest thing that happened to me.

As much as i wanted to stop whining, i have to admit that there are times that i hope they would kill me. At least, this would put a stop to all those sufferings. Well, i'm so being a pessimist. =_= okie. I should be the strong ger from today onwards. I need to salvage the already-sucky GPA.

My cough is coming back. I can't believe it man. The total time that I'm sick > the time that i'm well. WHAT THE HELL..

2007-04-05T14:39:00.000+08:00

In less than 2 weeks time, I would be free from all these crap.. can't wait for all these to be over...

I guess in this freaking school, we need to be stronger physically, mentally and emotionally. We need to be strong to carry the freaking laptop to school everyday. Sometimes, things can be real bad as you need to bring that thick freaking textbook as well. On top of that, we need to strong to face with what's ahead of us. We need to accept the cruel truth that we have little or no social life at all. We could be spending 6 tp 7 days a week in school due to the different timetables of the group members. We need to accept the painful truth that there are too many hypocrites as well as scholars in this school. they could be playing and devoting most of their time in CCas, but their results are still one of the top. The school is juz like the working world. If there's a term known as office politics, there could be sth known as institute politics too.

As for the emotion part, we do need to be strong. We must learn to let "things" go. It's is too tiring to keep holding to those painful memories and unhappy memories. There could be time that we are crying over what had happened. But we need to master the skill of bracing ourselves up when we fall. "No point crying over spilled milk" is the most common phrase that i've been telling myself.

Sometimes, we just need to learn to pick up from where we fall.

2007-04-03T15:47:00.000+08:00

hardwork doesn't pay off.. sometimes, all we need is know how to "smoke", how to talk. perhaps that's all is needed. No point studying hard when hardwork doesn't pay off.

Earth is not square, so life is never fair. It doesn't seems to link. But i guess I noe what it means.

I'm really fucked up this time.. i'm really afraid my grades for this sem would be like the last sem. I really studied hard. I really studied days for it. But somehow, hardwork don't seems to pay off. or maybe it's not the effective way to get good grades.

I'm freaking angry with myself.. No more next time, This would be the last.

2007-04-02T18:51:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, hardwork doesn't pays off. Coz, there's a much better way to get good results.

The better way is known as Bootlicking. People trying to put up a false front, trying to act how enthu and eager to learn. Trying to network and stuff.

They juz irritate me. Juz stay away. I'm so lack of sleeep. I wan my bed.

2007-04-02T01:36:00.000+08:00

I'm so freaking sick of school.. I've been goin to school on weekdays and even on weekends.. I've spent all my 7 days in school!!!

Louis asked me, why are my hands so fair now.. of course fair lahz... before the sun is up, i'm in school. When the sun sets, i'm still in sch. Okie.. I exaggerated, but things are no better than what i've mentioned.

Well.. this shit is ending and exams are coming. After exams would be my summer exam... i can't wait for it to come!!!!

Okie.. i'm so proud of my Ibook.. After days and hours of hardwork.. Finally i get to see some results.. here it is!

Okie.. the other one has too many pages to print screen.. hahaa.. Time for bed... My brain is dead.. I need sleeep.

2007-03-30T01:16:00.000+08:00

okie.. since Miss brenda had expose me, i admit that i really wear shorts and tees to school almost every day, But it's already a blessing when i dun wear pajamas to sch!! Oh ya.. i'm proud that i'm putting in effort to style my hair, at least to "glue" them with some wax. At least this is an IMPROVEMENT from the daily hairband routine. I was just so lazy that i would push my fringe back with my hairband, and there i go, ready for school. Okie.. i feel somewhat guilty now. bleahh

I just couldn't stand wearing jeans for the whole day, esp when we are staying in school for more than 10 hours, and very often of not, more than 12 hours. My skin needs to breatheeeee... Well well.. but no skirt... for my 2 years in school, i think i wore skirt for less than 5 times (except for those formal wear lahz). I'm like a monkey who just can't sit still. I would fold my legs, rest my legs on the chairs. Therefore, i'm sure i look awful if i do that when i'm in a skirt. Enough of my excuse. i guess i will try to put in more effort to dress up a little. =_=""

okie.. I shall buy more decent shorts or maybe berms? haha.. maybe that would look a little more formal.

maybe i can try wearing a skirt tomolo.. haha sounds good..

2007-03-28T01:14:00.000+08:00

Time to take a deeeeep breath... rest for a night before goin on to the two reports.

My cough is getting from bad to worse and I'm like an ah ma who will cough every 30 seconds. Once in a while, i would cough my heart out as though i'm goin to get an asthma attack.

Hmm.. i realised sth. There are 3 type of friends in smu. One group is those friend who could only recognise me when i'm in my casual wear. i.e tees and jeans. Another type would be those who could only recognise me when I'm in formal wear. That's without specs, with make up on. The last type would be those that are closer to me and are able to recognize no matter what i become. Hahaha..

It's really weird when u say Hi to a person and took her so long to come to realise who am i. I'm juz like an idiot who just smiled at any passer-by. =_=""

Does it look a hell difference when i do make up and when i do not. Okie.. alot of people do say it made a huge difference. Well.. I'm just who i am. I just don't like to make up and feel uneasy for the whole day. Okie.. I'm plain lazy, but only when it comes to putting on make up and choosing my clothes. I'm not a ger.. I noe.. perhaps should just dress nicer so that the profs would take note of me, perhaps there would be a better grade for participation.

I realised i've changes many hairstyles over the past months.. haha.. let's have a review!!

hmm.. some of them indeed dun look like me lahz,...

2007-03-27T12:48:00.000+08:00

Okie.. the stupid cold and my virus infection are not getting any better. In fact, they got worse. This means that i need make another trip down to the clinic. I wonder what's wrong manz.. this has been goin on for more than a week.

Well.. i think i better get back to my books. I'm studying far too slowly to be in time for the test.

2007-03-26T13:17:00.000+08:00

After ample of sleep and rest over the weekend, my cough and cold dun seem to recover. Shit. Aiyo.. can my health stop giving me problems.

Maybe my health will slowly improve when I'm feeling happier. In this case, i shall stay happy.

Crap... i think i better hurry back to my books... another 6 more chapters to go. This is crazy...

2007-03-25T12:54:00.000+08:00

Our Hardwork.. Our baby...

Thanks to everyone.. We all made this possible..

Let's work hard for our report.. I love u all.. =)

2007-03-24T16:56:00.000+08:00

Instead of hugging my pillow, i'm now hugging the tissue box. Drawing tissue after tissue, to sniff and then throw into the already-opened rubbish bin. This is torturing. The mucus is thick, the phlegm is blocking my esophagus. I'm finding hard to breathe, as though my asthma is coming back anytime.

Just when i thought that nothing could be worse than what I am now, My nose has this tickling sensation and fresh red blood came dripping down on my shirt... Oh god... what did i do to offend u... Why muz u do this to me.... Urghh...

i tried to get rid of the mucus by blowing hard, so hard that i could feel my head feels so groggy after each forceful blow. I tried to get rid of those sticky phlegm by coughing and sucking hard to get them out. But i think all these doesn't work. I give up. I guess i better get back to my bed...

2007-03-24T13:58:00.000+08:00

Got back the grades for the comms project. We did well, or rather the other 3 group members did well. It's me again. Perhaps it's me who pulled the grade down.

人常说“一山还有一山高." 在这里，每一座山都比我高，我被压在底下，快喘不过气来了。

I dreamt that i'm well... sitting with them having dinner together. it seems like i alwayz dream of having dinner with them, as though everything is alrite again. But i noe, that would be hard, at least in the real life. In school, time is alwayz the thing that we hope to have more, but yet, we can't have them. We are alwayz racing against time, trying to complete one challenge after another. But the difference is, I'm always behind others. No matter in studies or even things such as presentation skills.

Had a small talk with some of my friends in smu, they said, there's no so called day or night in smu, there's no longer a difference between the day and the night. In the day, we are in school. In the night, we are still in school. It's not about the time management skills that many ppl talked about. It's just the number of projects and stuff we've got on hand. Quite true.

I guess things just got worse as the school's marketing effort paid off. It just makes the school more competitive, more inhumane and more "fake" people around.

Man is a selfish creature. We all have to admit that.

2007-03-22T18:59:00.000+08:00

Tiredness numbs my anxiety, the queasiness about speaking in front of the 10 guests and my profs. Perhaps, tiredness is a good thing after all. It somehow cushion me from the wild thoughts about what would happen. When I stood in front of the laptop with the screen at the back, all I could do is to speak what’s on my mind. Heck the script, heck the nice metaphors and quotes I’ve prepared.

Day after day, meetings after meetings and projects after projects. My sleep debt just can’t stop accumulating and the clock just refuse to pause for a few minutes to catch my breath. My fever is getting from bad to worse, I could feel that my organs are burning and my body is freezing. I guess I need to consult the doctor again as I ran out of the fever medicine. I need to take my medicine regularly to keep my temperature down and to continue with the project. Another 2 reports to go. I know all these will be ending soon. Very sooooon.

2007-03-20T15:18:00.000+08:00

I'm going to miss that class for one day as i'm down with a fever due to virus attack. Weird.. The doctor said that antibiotics wouldn't help and just told me to get more rest and water. My throat used to be badly infected due to viral infection and now it's like a on and off thing.

I'm kinda blur now.. really need to get some rest on my bed as my whole body is aching and shivering with cold. Before i get to bed, i kind of remember what i dreamt of 2 days ago, just that i'm too busy to type it out here.

I dreamt of her.. she's no longer the weiling with the long hair. She had her hair cut short to slightly above shoulders with the chic look. She knows how to make up now and did a really good job in matching her necklace and her top. Could see that she's definitely a hot chic. *Smile* I couldn't get to see what she wears for the bottom as the 5 of us were sitting down and having lunch together. we were talking about sandra's baby, the usual gossips and teasings.

Just feel happy to see her in the dreams.. =)

2007-03-20T02:43:00.000+08:00

The hell has started and i got home not long ago after lonnng projects meeting in school. But, we are still not the last to leave the school. How pathetic school life is..

I'm seriously having drastic mood change and intense craving for certain food. I guess i caught a cold and it's not a good time to catch a flu as there are so many things coming my way. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. No flu please... i dun wan to sound like a donald duck during presentation and screw my whole presentation up...

Time for me to get my ass back to the report. i need to get my sleeeeeep...

2007-03-16T14:26:00.000+08:00

Every ger will dream to be the princess in the fairy tales that we once read. It always started with "Once upon a time" and ended with "happily ever after".

Since young, i told my mummy. "Mummy mummy, can i be the princess? Can i have the little crown they have and don in pretty dresses?" my mum would just tell me "All this are just stories, people made it up to bluff the kids. Money is hard-earned."

Well.. since i couldn't be a princess in the family, i dreamt to be one who is deeply in love with my prince, living happily ever after.

It's a dream. Reality is cruel, it shook you real hard to wake you up from the sweet and simple dream that we once had. It burst the sweet little bubble that we had always been blowing since young. A simple dream is never simple, coz life is too complicated for things to be simple.

Fairytale should remain as a fairytale, a story that trick the kids into believing that life is wonderful and that there would be someone out there who is more than willing to share your joy and unhappiness.

it gave me dreams and hopes that life is wonderful and my prince would be there to love me, care for me unconditionally. Love is illustrated to be beautiful, but it's not.

2007-03-16T02:05:00.000+08:00

This is really bad... I'm damn freaking tired after almost 12 hours of class and project, but... I juz can't sleep.. i dunno why but i juz fall asleep...

oh goddd.. this is torturing..everything is just so wrong... I need love and more love..

that's not goin to happen..

2007-03-16T00:42:00.000+08:00

I'm in a ridiculously bad mood.. I just don't feel like doing anything.. that includes eating.

I've no idea how i get the jumbo blue black on my knee... It's purplish.. i guess it will take at least a week to recover. I need to get a bloody pair of court shoes for my presentation on thursday..

i wan to sleep, i wan to get over this moody period.

2007-03-15T12:31:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling real down today. there's no way to make me smile. I'm juz feeling more lonely and vulnerable today. It's gonna be a long day for me in this cold and dark place.

My own bf asked, "where are you hiding?"
I'm not hiding anywhere, i'm just there. I'm juz sitting alone at one corner, trying hard to keep my eyes open and try to keep my head off the textbook. I'm there, just that you didn't put in effort in keeping a lookout for me.

he asked again, "why didn't you msg me?"
I don't know how to answer this complex question. I'm juz safe-guarding myself from being shot for disturbing him when he is tired and busy. The school work and projects are busy and stress enough. I don't need anymore problems. I'm just as tired as you are. So, i chose to leave u alone.

I'm not sure what I really want. For a moment, I want to be left alone, but i'm feeling lonely when i'm now alone. Maybe find someone to accompany me? But i don't feel like talking or entertaining anyone. Perhaps, that's where music comes into play. A shield that protects me from loneliness.

周笔畅-笔记
我看见天空很蓝
就像你在我身边的温暖

生命有太多遗憾
人越成长越觉得孤单

我很想飞多远都不会累
才明白爱的越深心就会越痛
我只想飞在我的天空飞
我知道你会在我身边
回忆的画面记录的语言
爱始终是你手中长长的线
载着我的想念飞过了地平线
你温暖的笑脸还一如从前

回忆的画面记录的语言
你说要我学着勇敢一点
偶尔哭红双眼你一定会了解
眼泪试我心中另一种完美

Happy birthday my girl... You will always stay pretty and sweet.. you'll be in my heart...

2007-03-15T00:01:00.000+08:00

it is your birthday. Happy Birthday.

my space

2007-03-14T15:44:00.000+08:00

There are many things that we took them for granted.

This entry might sound crude and disgusting to many, but I feel that’s part of my inner thoughts.

There’s a place that often took me in when I’m down, is always there to embrace me when I cry. It’s a place where I let my emotion runs wild, it’s a shelter when I tear. When I close that door behind me, I know, I’m safe emotionally and psychologically. I’ve shut stress, anxiety and work behind the “door”.

It’s the door of my house toilet. I might sound insane to have this weird thought. To me, It’s more than just a thought. This door seems to have separated me from the cruel life out there. What’s left in that small little space is privacy, serenity and peace. It’s a world of no worry. It’s a place where you know that the toilet bowl is there to take in whatever “shit” you give, and it would never ridicule you in any way.

This little space… Somewhere I can truly call it “my space”.

2007-03-14T00:24:00.000+08:00

Brain overhauled... My brain dun seems to be functioning well now. It has been a hard day for my brain as i went for my driving lesson at 8.30am, then went for a project meeting which requires all of us to sit down and brainstorm for real interesting and feasible marketing plan. Then went for my lessson, after which i went for another meeting which requires us to come up with interesting communication plan and tap into the unconscious mind of the radio listeners.

Things are getting more and more challenging. It's something that's so taxing. It's something that drained my brain juice totally.
This is what happens when we ran out of ideas.. we need more "ideas"

and one is definitely not enough...

I better get my ass off the chair and get on to bed.

2007-03-13T10:59:00.000+08:00

In one of the email that my prof sent out, it states:

"An external marketing & creative agency is looking for 2 bright students to undertake an industry analysis."
"You should have at least a 3.7 & above average"

That's the definition of a bright students. She mentioned nothing else except that GPA has to be above 3.7. Well, that's the painful reality of life.

Saw taiyu in the train while i was on my way to school after driving lesson. As i looked back, i realized that my secondary sch friends speak in a very "authentic" chinese.. as in, they talk like taiwanese.. hahaa.. it's quite different from the environment i'm in now where people are speaking in english with slang.. sometimes, they could be real irritating..

time to get some rest before my project meeting starts..

2007-03-12T21:31:00.000+08:00

I'm so dead...

2007-03-09T16:36:00.000+08:00

I KO for more than 12 hours.. and when i woke up, i tot today was wednesday. Crap. It is a real rare occasion i've got anything on for friday. Things are never so easy in life, coz tomorrow will be a full project day in school and followed by rushing home for the birthday celebration.

i shall stop complaining and get back to my BP assignment as well as the test preparation.

2007-03-08T19:16:00.000+08:00

Do you find this picture familiar? Yesh.. i'm cursed by statistics. It seems like most of my modules end up having statistic in them, combining the theories and the statistics stuff.. my god.. things used to be so simple, why muz we insist on making them more complex?

somehow.. I'm cursed by statistic.. i can seee i'm dying.. I've never like statistic. Never.. and i don't think i would ever like it..

2007-03-08T12:57:00.000+08:00

pictures of me with braces on.. it looks damn ugly.. but.. i got to accept it as part of my life. The way to survive is to adopt and adapt. I can live with it, is not as though half of my face is gone. I still can bear with the little discomfort and the tedious brushing teeth sessions.

The time to brush my teeth = the time i take to bath. That's how tedious and time consuming. I've got this feeling whenever i brushes my teeth. I'm like washing a toilet bowl.. =_= i've got two toothbrush, one to brush my teeth like how everyone does, the other one is the super micro mini brush that suppose to clean between the wire or bracket (whatever you call it) and my teeth. So make sure no food is stuck there. well.. time consuming.. juz like how 5 stars hotel stuff clean their toilet bowl, brushing every inch of that dirty toilet bowl.

enough of my grumbles, here are the pictures.

photos of bren, calin, karen and me... =)

smileeeee...

2007-03-08T00:02:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY GER!!!!!

It's yuling's birthday... haha... Happy sweet 22nd birthday to u!!!

I'm so sorry that i'm stuck with all those projects and tests.. couldn't meet u over the weekend. We shall meet up towards the end of march ya? after my projects and before my exams.. haha..

Wish you all the best and hope that happiness will follow u wherever u go!! =)

*kisses*

2007-03-07T13:58:00.000+08:00

As much as i wanted to graduate next year, i got to admit that my resume is like a pile of shit. There's no significant or wonderful internships i've done. There's no big company names to support my already-lousy grades and resume. Time for me to start writing and sending out my cover letters and resume. Time for me to start working. Perhaps, after the internship, i would feel studying is indeed much more enjoyable than working life.

Sometimes i wonder, where would i be if i didn't enter smu. UOL? maybe.. but i dun think i would study in there. Perhaps i would be started working. whatever it is... time to get back to my assignments and study.. got to finish them before my 7pm project meeting. Crap...

No lifeeeee....

2007-03-05T23:51:00.000+08:00

I was so tired today that i feel asleep on to couch at library level 2... I heard that there were many ppl luffing at me.. DIULIAN.. haiz...

I challenged KFC today and managed to chew bits and pieces of the chicken after tearing them. Hmm.. i look like a kid though. Eating is now a tiring chore for me and i dread it when my stomach starts calling for food.

I'm too tired to type anymore things here..

2007-03-03T11:40:00.000+08:00

i swear the most painful part is brushing ur teeth. arggghhhh....

2007-03-03T00:26:00.000+08:00

the braces really torture me... i tried to listen to those interviews i did, trying real hard to get my transcripts out.. but.. the teeth is so painful that i juz couldn't concentrate.. damn it... i need to get it done before the project meeting tomolo morning..

I think i seriously need to hibernate myself to get over this painful period.. but i got project meeting from like 9 in the morning.. another project meeting after that.. i guess the earliest i could leave the school would be 7pm. This is juz the beginning.. the game has just begun.. =_=

2007-03-02T17:20:00.000+08:00

The starting of my braces treatment...

It isn't fun... the teeth feeel strained, as though they gonna drop out anytime.. well... 1 more year of braces and then i will be able to go for my jaw surgery... I can't wait for all these to be over..

Call me the braces girl!!!!

2007-02-27T19:08:00.000+08:00

A terrible sem of 2.66 pushed me down the "building" and left me hanging there. I'm trying my best to struggle to get myself back to concrete ground, at least to keep myself "alive". From a honors degree to a bach... This is painful..

2007-02-27T16:07:00.000+08:00

extracted 2 premolar yesterday. The dentist numbed my lips and my gums.. well welll... I can't drink with numbed lips. I couldn't control my lips and can't even feel water dripping down from my mouth. =_= I can't imagine myself living with numbed lips for like 1 month plus. Imagine.... I will be drinking like a baby, or rather worse than baby, at least a baby could suck from the milk bottle. I can't suck for nuts without my lower lips.

I noe tough time ahead.. and the extraction perhaps is the worse stuff in the braces treatment. Two more wisdom teeth to go. I'm tired of those bleeding and porridge "feast". Thanx to all these stuff. I've lost at least 3 kg and I'm now 44kg. Arggh... buffet after i got used to my braces.

I've lost my passion for food. Life seems so meaningless now.

* i'm praying that the surgeons leave my nerves alone, i can't imagine living with numbness on my lower lips. *

2007-02-24T03:20:00.000+08:00

Wrote a sentence, then i pressed the "delete" button. Something i really wanted to say, but it's also sth that i dunno how to put it across. It's okie. Juz let it be..

I wish her all the best.

2007-02-23T16:01:00.000+08:00

Finally when i got my hongbao money and thinking that life would be easier, there comes driving lessons which are extremely expensive. Haiz.. this is really what it means

: By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

This will take forever for me to make ends meet. =_=

2007-02-22T12:47:00.000+08:00

yes yes yes....i put on that ring round my tooth and monday i goin for my extraction... hahaa.. and by next friday, i will be known as the braces girl!!

Consulted one of the profs regarding my surgery. He said that he would recommend me to go for the lower jaw surgery only as he dun wan to further reduce my facial length. hahaa.. GOOD NEWS for me!!! i'm really freak out by the upper jaw surgery. =_=""
Anyway..everything has to wait till a year later to finalize. =) yeah... i wan my surgery fastttt...

New year is over, time to go back to my assignments. i dun understand why professors wan typed out hardcopy for those homework assignments.. it doesn't make sense to me, if they wan hardcopy, i can jolly well write for them. It is a chore to type it out. Okie.. less complaints, more work. =_=

Gonna have my formal dining assessment tomolo.. so freakish lahz.. sitting there for over 2 hours to have a 3 course meal. Profs would be looking at how i eat, how I behave and how I talk to assess me.. Usually, i would juz gobble my food down like a lion and clear my plate within 10 mins. After putting on my braces, i think i should be able to spend more time with my food, therefore hoping that would drag to 1 hour.. haha..

Meeeting yuling and hanwei tomolo!!! Shall take more photos tomolo.. =)

2007-02-20T17:28:00.000+08:00

thanx to muthu's slimming recipe, i guess i've lost at least 2 kg AND I'm still running to the toilet..

good job muthu =_=""

weird... my whole family is chilli king... al my cousins got sore throat while i kept running to the toilet.. well well.. I'm lousy lahz... =_= i hate indian curry...

annual new year gathering

2007-02-20T03:28:00.000+08:00

hmm... today had a big big family gathering.. but it wasn't as happening as in the past. maybe becoz of the Indian food (I don't believe they actually got muthu's curry caterer) or the limited space at my auntie place.. well.. doesn't really matter hahaa.. I realized sth today.. I truly love kids, but i seriously hope that they do come with a controller, for me to mute them when they shout and cry, to pause them when they start running ard like monkeys. haha.. on the whole, it's really scary to see my nephews and nieces growing up, it reminds me that i'm getting older. haha.. Anyway, they are adorable!! =)

After i got home, my dear louis asked if i wanted to go over to his relative house with him.. hmm.. i went and luckily i din throw his face. Went over to his (mother side) ah ma house first, where i sat down and talked to his grandma, while he is playing MJ with his granddad. After which we went to his dad side. =) Gambled a bit then we went home. Nice and friendly grandparents he have. *envy*

I really wonder how would things be like when my grandparents were still rounds, perhaps i would get to see everyone in the family. The grandparents in the family are alwayz the one who bring everyone together on chinese new year. =)

feeling really sleeepy... back to my bed...
=_=

2007-02-19T00:39:00.000+08:00

Happy New year to all!!!!

The first day of the chinese new year has past and i really enjoy spending time with them. We could juz sit in front of the tv, making jokes out of everything that happen and we would all luff. It's heart warming.. and i love big family!! As usual, i went to my maternal relatives on the first day and would go to my dad's side tomolo or rather, today. After reaching my auntie's house, we set off to the shifu place. I dunno what i should call it, it's not a temple, neither a house. Anyway, the shifu warned me seriously after reading my palm and my buddha pendant. He has been repeating this year after year, that is warning me not to attend funerals or anything associated with it. yah yah yah.. i got it, my mum got it, and the shifu added, "try your best to avoid, you should noe how bad is your body after attending such events." i noeee... my mum seriously warned me against such stuff. haiz.. Shifu also tell me to be exceptionally careful in whatever i do, that should be able to reduce the damage. =_="" scary...

Sometimes, We really have to believe in all these... esp huiling's shifu.Huiling once told me to stay away from all those beaches and sea, as there would be another tsunami attack. Indeed, the tsunami was back. therefore, this time, i heed huiling advice, i din wear green clothes for the first day, but i really got no other clothes to wear tomolo.. haha.. therefore.. ya.. green tube.. *grinz* Hmm.. was really tired after running from places to places. We went from amk to geylang, to woodlands, back to amk for dinner and then to telok blangah. tiring..

Msged adrian's mum and sis to wish them happy new year as sophia msged me the day before, and i really feel i should msg his mum. Perhaps is juz my way of expressing my respect for her, she really dote on me very much during the times when we were together. well.. she's a real friendly lady and i can say, his family is really friendly. =)

Tomolo would be a tough day, to recall my relatives' names. my dad's family is tooooo big.. i really can't even remember my cousins' name, let alone my nieces and nephews. Anyway, i feel it's good to catch up with them again.

ohhh.. i really wan to get those photos taken during the reunion i had with the year 1 friends. I really hate pestering ppl for stuff hahaa.. perhaps that;s way i'm usually the one who would bring camera. I like to take photos.. and i should feel relieved for having that passion. At least, i'm left with many beautiful pictures of her and us, or rather them. =)

2007-02-16T13:57:00.000+08:00

Yesterday had a great time with my year 1 class.. hahaha.... i really din expect wah wah to be one of the marathon food winner.. ahhaaa... he juz sat there kept eating and eating... it is amazing lahzz... hahaha..

There are so many ppl saying me and bren look VERY alike... even my bf says so.. haha.. There's this guy who was in louis's LTB group told louis that I'm in his management science class and he noe who i am. Then louis affirmed him that ya.. i taking Management science and is in his class. Well.. then that guy name daniel ponder a while and said "but there are two girls who look very alike in my class." then my dear louis said "ya.. then u got the right person." hahaaa...

That daniel actually believeed that we are twins when we told him so.. =_= hahaa.. I dun think we look DAT alike.. but many people, including bren's parents and grandma said that we look very alike.. hahaa..

here is one of the pic.. do we look alike? i dun think sooo...

DO we really loook alike? maybe the side view.. thats what ppl say.. ahahahaa..

2007-02-15T18:37:00.000+08:00

finally... i'm done with my 35% of my management science module. Din really noe how to do several questions but i guess is really good enough that i could manage to scribble some sensical stuff. Hope to get some marks out of there.

Phew... finally. i could take a rest and enjoy my chinese new year. TIme for some reunion dinner for my year 1 uni class.. i believe it would be real fun tonite. =)

I will update photos and more photos..hahaa...

2007-02-14T01:57:00.000+08:00

My old friend jason is now a photographer.. haha.. he has many nice photos posted for competition.. take a loook and VOTE for his three photos!!!

http://www.corporate.mediacorp.sg/tvmobile/loveiseverywhere/gallery_vote.htm

his works are:
Best Picture: Destinies Entwined
Best Picture: Let them be Little
Best Picture: Good Bye

Although those photos are quite abstract, they truly reveal his feelings at that point of time. Great job jason. =) All the best~!!

2007-02-14T00:54:00.000+08:00

now i noe what is the missing piece.. i really hope to go for a shopping spree to buy what i wanted without having to think abt how miserable will my next few weeks be if i spend that miserable sum of money. I juz wan to have the feeling of spending my hard earn money. It juz need some pampering which has been lacking in my life for almost 1 year. It is really miserable when u even have to think thrice when u wanted to get a new bag or even a new top. Buying something that exceeds 40 bucks seems a insignificant thing to ppl, but is a luxury to me.

Not able to purchase clothes that i like but i can only keep myself to those cheap buys. It really makes me feel like a leech, leeching on to survive. can I juz leave this bag of worries down for a while. It's too heavy and tiring.. It really makes me feel like going out to work immediately.

2007-02-12T23:37:00.000+08:00

What a valentine's day... i've got this Management science quiz on thursday which is like 35% of that module.. =_=
heard from weilun that amkss alumni is goin to organize one reunion dinner for all ex amkss students.. sounds good.. but i got this make up class till late in the evening and weichuan has this test on saturday. I really dun get it what's wrong with those prof. They like to torture us with saturday and sunday tests.. crapp... Can they juz get a life? =_=

2007-02-12T00:20:00.000+08:00

went chinatown after stuck at louis house for a long long time, i decided to get out of the bed to get some fresh air. Initially, wanted to buy some bak kua, who noes it was sold out. So, we walked for a while to look at some of the Chinese New Year stuff. After that we went back to the coffeshop near our school for supper. When we drove past our school, we saw many many many students sitting there studying.. Some in the student lounge, some in the GSR, some outside the pick & bite, some sitting on the benches. there is a common thing among them, that is they had no sign of packing up when it was already 11.30pm. Disgusting...

It is too disgusting to stay on, and my parents seem to be having financial difficulties in supporting my school fees. Since my results are like shit, i guess i should juz take 2 summer course, 5 modules each for the next two sem and finish my degree. I dun need to go for whatever exchange or whatever internship. Juz let me get out of this place fast and start working. My financial situation is so bad that i dun even have 50 bucks with me. Downright broke. I guess since i've no interest in studying anymore, i'm torturing myself by spending another 6 months. Why not juz end the misery fast?

SMU seems like a fun school to be in, but it is not. It seems like an enjoyable where students would play their hearts out, but it's not. In fact, students are slogging their hearts out by spending days and nights juz to finish the horrible amount of projects assigned. It is not what it seems to be. That's the power of marketing, which helps create the illusion. I goin to get out of this school asap.

2007-02-08T16:58:00.000+08:00

Woke up early in the morning and found myself having fever. So, i went to see a doctor before goin for my braces consultation. In the braces consultation, i was told that i need two jaw surgery, one for my upper jaw and the other for my lower jaw. =_="" cold sweat... haiz.. i really thought of goin for the lower jaw surgery only.. now it seems like i need to go for both.

TOday, dr low put in the rubber in my teeth to make space for the braces. this is really irritating... It feels so weird.. and someone said sth "good mah, you can take it out to use in times of need" very thank you chris for ur comforting words.. =_=

I goin to put on partial braces on the 23rd feb while waiting for the oral surgeons to approve my jaw surgery part. I guess i will need to wear braces for 1.5 years before going for the operation and then, another 6 months for the finishing. Haiz.. hope things turn out well.. i can speak properly and will look the same or better. i am not doin it to look better, but i'm doin it to correct my speech deficiency.

2007-02-07T02:47:00.000+08:00

yes yes yes... I'm a person with low immunity. True enough, i'm down with sore throat and cough.. all thanx to my mum who brought this virus into the family. =_= With the lack of sleep and the virus attack, i'm now stuck with a sore throat and a deep voice. I should be happy that this sore throat came after my interview grading assessment on Monday. I seriously need to see a doc before this thing drags till Vday, or even Chinese New year. Anyway, i would need to see a doc either tomolo or the day next to get an MC for not being able to attend my thursday morning class. I really hope i can get the stupid braces fix and i can't wait for the operation to be done. I hate it when my pronunciation screws up as though my tongue is protesting for the lack of space to work with.

After attending my Finishing touch module, I got to learn sth: A career is a path that you enjoy walking. I asked myself, do i really enjoy marketing stuff? I guess i am more interested in organizing events, which is part of marketing but not solely marketing. TIme for me to really think thru if i should declare corporate communication as my second major. It would be a difficult path to take, but it is sth that is impt and essential in the business world. Is the learning process that is important, or the GPA? No matter what bullshit ppl say about education is a journey and shouldn't be a destination, what we learn in the process is much more impt than the GPA or grades. BULLSHIT. Everything in the school look at GPA as the first criteria to determine if u are smart, average, or dumb. Everything starting from exchange program to internship, they will firrst look at the GPA. Stop all those bullshit that it is the learning process that counts. In fact, the school is juz like the working world, it condone no mistake. Try getting a D for one module, all i can say is god bless you.

Is it the world that is practical or was it us who make the world to be so practical.. Now, it doesn't matter anymore as the world now is where the fittest survive.

2007-02-05T19:43:00.000+08:00

Sometimes i wonder, where has my confidence gone to?

2007-02-05T00:10:00.000+08:00

I tot i would see no one.. But i saw joyce.. I feel like hiding away from her.. I feel like leaving what i've got for her and then leave. I noe it's not appropriate for me to do so, and i find no reason for running away from her... I dunno why.. i was nervous when i see her, i din noe what to say, what to ask, what to chat about.. Because of this, i asked her twice, "you got no tuition today arh" when i obviously remembered what she answered me for the first time. Dumb me. I'm never good at maintaining conversation with ppl...

Sometimes i wonder, how would things be when i din make that call, din ask what happen.. Perhaps, the ending would still be the same.. No point dwelling on this when things had already happened... TIme for me to get back to my work and prepare for what has to come tomorrow.. I'm trying to clear one after another, i believe shit work will end sooner or later..

2007-02-03T14:59:00.000+08:00

I guess not today.. i dun think i will be there today my ger.. I juz din wan to meet so many of your friends.. YOu noe i will visit u.. I promise..

CAme back from my secondary 4 gathering.. they are mostly studying in NTU and NUS , specializing in all different faculty, from science to arts to engineering. There are some of them who are working towards being a teacher.. =)

It seems like we are still able to talk and luff juz like before. Nothing has changed, not us, not our hearts. We had a wonderful time by justing sitting down and catching up. I really hope that we can have more of such chances. =)

3rd feb, the birthday of the two cutie pies, i really hope they will stay healthy, cheerful, and most importantly slim... =_=

enough of the crap.. time to get back to work..

2007-02-01T14:49:00.000+08:00

I've been awake for more than 24 hours and i can feel my head is getting heavier and heavier with each passing minute. This is not good.. i guess i need 2 to 3 hours of sleep before i can continue studying and finishing up the report. It's no good.. i dun like this..

Huiling msged me a few hours back to see if she can meet me for lunch, but i was caught up with my project work. Shall see u tomolo nite k? lets have some chill out like Indochine or sth.. i seriously need to destress and retail therapy is out of questions. =|

I shall go out to my work... i need sometime to myself.. i want to go sentosa, i wan to go sun tanning. =|

2007-02-01T04:46:00.000+08:00

i juz wan sufficient hours of sleeeep... I've got a whole day class tomolo and a whole day class cum test cum presentation on friday.. kill me please.. this is hell...

2007-01-29T20:45:00.000+08:00

I'm done for this time... i really must admit.. I am dumb. very dumb.

2007-01-28T18:29:00.000+08:00

After prolong observation, it had came to my notice that guys having long hair is a very in-thing now. U can spot countless of man with hairbands in my school. Some of them are with thick hairbands, while some use the thin black hairbands which we often use it during sec sch time. Some of the guys tie their hair up when the weather was hot, or when they feel it's cool for them to do so... =_=

What's scary is that this phenomenon is not only happening in sch, but in my own family as well.. i was looking for my hairband since a week ago but couldn't find it. My brother gave me a nice "surprise" when i spotted my hairband on his head. HE look so gay!!! oh my goddd...

There's sth very wrong with the guys nowadays.. Long hair isn't cool, and i can't imagine my bf to have longer hair than i do. It's juz so hilarious to see the gf having super short boy style hair, while the bf has long silky hair... my god.. this is crazy.. =_=

2007-01-28T03:01:00.000+08:00

I swear to get out of this horrible place in 3.5 years time.. It is almost impossible for me to finish my degree in 3 years, so, i shall finish it in 3.5 years.. It's too cold, dark and horrible for me to stay any longer.

2007-01-26T00:41:00.000+08:00

Today, my dear bren pointed out sth to me. She was reading thru the funkygrad website where they have this best of 2006.
Congrats Peggy!! She is the personality of 2006!!! hahaa.. pretty ger!! really hope your face can recover soon.

Then next, what we saw is

Where you can spot students
NTU: Jurong Point
NUS: Holland Village
SMU: SMU - Find it common when almost everyone you know from SMU has to spend most days AND nights doing project work IN SCHOOL?

Though this is quite an old post, but i find it really funnie.. hahaa.. I swear the year 1s are even more frightening than my batch.. The standard is raising and fluffy projects are filled with my fluffs, intelligent projects are has become more challenging. What's most scary is that, they had combined the powerful fluffs with very intelligent projects. Now, almost every project comes with a video during presentation. Not those simple and sub standard video, but professional and some even with subtitles. Do a search in youtube and you will get what i mean. They are overkilling, while i'm overkilled.

perfect competition

2007-01-17T18:43:00.000+08:00

Had a TA gathering and they were discussing abt how freakiness get from bad to worse batch after batch. The head TA who is in year 3 said that my batch was crazy and the year 1 seems worse. SMU is getting more and more competitive. Now, the year 1s had read the textbooks even before the start of the semester. They seems to spend 365 days studying... freaky..

Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated. I juz wan to get by my days and graduate with a decent cert..

2007-01-16T23:44:00.000+08:00

In smu, everyone is spoiling everyone's market... there are very very fantastic project, and up next is another fabulous project. When there is fluff in this project, you expect to see more and expect more from the up coming projects. This is crazy and i guess i seriously need to borrow a brain which capable of doing video, projects, critical thinking, good retention rate and creative.

I really really would like to go for an exchange in any country, as long as i can break away from this crazy place for the time being. It's juz the beginning, and i juz can't wait for it to end. Horrible.. terrible and unbearable..

2007-01-08T23:32:00.000+08:00

Life from now on will be dull.. what's happening around me don't worth mentioning..

2007-01-04T00:23:00.000+08:00

School is starting tomolo, or rather today...

Hope things will go on well and smoothly... A new year, a new semester, a new me!!!

2006-12-31T17:34:00.000+08:00

Happy new year!! All the best for Year 2007 and wish everyone love, happiness and Joy.. =)

2006-12-31T01:37:00.000+08:00

Thank you yuling and hanwei.. =) i simply love it..

Though we din manage to get together often, we din talk on phone as much, you all are still on my mind.. *promise* Thanx for the surprise.. I really love it.. Thank YOU... hhehee...

SOmetimes I simply love old friends as we can juz talk about everything under the sun and the feeling is just like before.. We shall meet up more often... =) thank you!!!

2006-12-29T00:15:00.000+08:00

Year 2006 is going to end and i really can't wait for this horrible year to end. 2006 has been a painful, sucky, terrible and torturing year for me.

At the beginning of 2006, i tot everything started well as i first got together with louis. However, things started to change. The lost of weiling, the starting with my eyes problem, my jaw problem... everything juz came together. Unfortunate events happened one after another, many of which dragged over a long period of time, even till today.

I started to drift away from who I were, to the low confidence freak who seek to hide away in one corner. Things started to get hectic when the first semester of Year 2 started. It was a terrible nightmare which I lost control of what was happening around me. The things that were happening were just so wrong, but i failed to take corrective actions.

Just when i tot this semester had finally ended and i could enjoy the last few days of my year 2006. My orthodontist want me to decide if i would want to go for my jaw surgery. There are 2 choices.

1. Do the jaw surgery and remove 2 wisdom tooth, 2 premolar. Side effects: Temporary/ permanent numbness on my cheek. It could lead to relapse of jaw degeneration. The possibility of that is unknown.

2. Out on the braces as per normal. Remove 2 wisdom tooth, 4 premolar. Side effects: affect my speech due to the even smaller space available for my tongue to move around.

I dunno which way to choose but i really hope to correct my jaw problem as it really did affect my speech. I'm worried and afraid of surgery. Imagine how people put me on drip and push me into the operating theatre. IT IS SCARY.

I need to decide by this weekend.... Which means I have 3 days to think over it. Life is all about choices, but what if i made the wrong one... I can't possibly rewind and replay. This is tough... and i juz hope to be a normal person...

2006-12-24T12:13:00.000+08:00

Merry Christmas everyone.. =)

Time flew and now it's christmas. I've been going down to orchard to get some "feel" of the festive season. Louis & I were practically inching along the Orchard Road!! Nothing much for me to buy with my almost-empty bank account but those sales are really tempting. The word "SALES" were big and clear in every shop and I can say, people are generally more willing to spend during the christmas.

Well... I'm so sick of empty bank account and i'm so determined to find one part time job which allow me to work almost like a full timer. I need the cash, i need the money.. I've realised that ever since i've stopped work, I've become more and more lazy, my confidence level plunged all the way down. Now, i'm juz a stupid person who is afraid of everything. I used to love driving and feel that it's juz so easy. The first time i sat into the car, i could drive the car easily. Now, I'm so afraid of holding the steering wheel with the tester sitting right next to me. I'm sooooo stupid. I din realise when the change started but I could feel that i've lost my confidence in everything. I juz feel that i'm full of weaknesses with no strengths to worth mentioning. That's crap, I'm now in search for my confidence and I've decided to go for the operation to improve my profile, hopefully it would boost my confidence level too. I couldn't pronounce things properly and sometimes even stutter. My lower jaw is really giving me trouble as my tongue has insufficient space to work with. I hate ppl making fun of my speech and louis alwayz like to tease me on that.. I hate THAT.. =)

2006-12-19T00:12:00.000+08:00

i guess i can juz sit back and relax for the rest of my smu life, simply because there is nothing to pin hopes on. This semester result really pull me down or rather push me down the cliff. =_= Forget it.. what done cannot be undone.

I'm crossing my fingers... better not rain big big on my big day.. if not i think i will die ugly ugly..

Dun feel like going online for the past week and i think this will carry on for quite some time. Sucky mood.

2006-12-17T11:01:00.000+08:00

I've phobia for driving.. i juz can't do it when i'm at the cross road junction... =| My instructor told me either i keep learning till i'm ready, or i can forget about driving. He said that i will keep changing my test date and the phobia will keep building up.. Crap... I've lost all my confidence in things. I need them back..

2006-12-16T16:31:00.000+08:00

changed my blogskin for a change of luck.. hope this works.. haha...

Internet is too bored for me and there's really nothing for me to do online. So, nowadays, i would juz stay offline and listen to music. My driving test is really coming soon which really freak me out. I duno why but i am more afraid this time than the first. I really wan to get that bloody license and stop going for my driving lesson. It is so torturing to rush here and there juz for an hour of lesson. Oh, now that i mention abt my Tp, i realise i got to pass my dear bren the basic and advance theory books, as well as those winter clothes she lent me.

My dear bren.. give me another few more days, i promise i will hand them back to u... =X

My eyes are getting bad to worse, therefore my dear louis is giving me a stern warning to see the doctor soon. Haiz..there goes my money.. goddd... can my eyes juz stop torturing me...

Enough of the whining.. time for me to get back to my tv. =|

2006-12-13T23:51:00.000+08:00

Passed huiling that cardigan.. hope she really like it.. haha... It's red and she said she got fetish for red nowadays.. telepathy.. hahaha... I love rusty friend...

2006-12-13T17:29:00.000+08:00

Came back from hongkong.. Hongkong was quite fun but things there are winter clothing so there's not much stuff to buy.. nevertheless, it was a nice time spent with peipei, andy and my dear. Although we are overseas, dear has been logging online to check his results. While he was checking his result, i'm praying hard that my results are not release.

Got back most of the results.. and they are like shit... forget it.. there's no point for me to cry over spilled milk. I never noe how damaging a C was until yesterday when i calculated my gpa.. i'm too tired to think, so juz let it be.

2006-12-06T17:56:00.000+08:00

Hong Kong time!!!! hehehe.... here i come!!!!

2006-12-04T17:03:00.000+08:00

finished my exams and now i have to complete my last report... AND one daamn bloody video that i really regret for not objecting to the idea.... Now i guess my december hols is gone as many of the days will be dedicated to filming and shit. I'm so tired!!!!

Every night when i feel really tired, i hop onto my bed, thinking that i will drift into slumber-land, but often or not, this is not the case. My insomnia is back and i juz couldn't get to sleep no matter how tired I am. Last nite, i was so tired that i could declare myself brain dead, but i juz couldn't sleep. I've got no choice but to get out of my bed and started typing for my report. I really wonder i couldn't sleep due to the tummyache or insomnia, but both are just as bad.

I'm in super duper foul mood now. Maybe it's PMS but maybe i'm juz getting pissed over things... forget it, he wun read this anyway.

2006-12-02T01:13:00.000+08:00

I'm seriously low batt.... critically low batt and surviving on caffeine... i guess i really got wait for my exam to end before my insomnia will leave me alone. I'm so pek chek now.. i'm tired but i tried to take a short rest but my brain juz refuse to hibernate for 10 mins. Dunno what's wrong with it.

No time to waste.. i bettter start clearing those readings i have to read for tomolo's exam as i think my 4hours of sleep last nite will not last me for long.

This is helll..... I dunno why i call it hell and i dunno whats wrong with smu that make it so sucky and scary. It's the experience. U got to experience it, to know it's scary, cold and ruthless..

2006-12-01T03:02:00.000+08:00

I'm rushing thru articles after articles.. trying to update myself about the technological changes in this world... Aiyo... this is neverending.. i'm reading it like a storybook... after reading for like 3 hours, i only manage to clear those word doc files for week 9. i still got to rush thru those PDF files.. and readings for week 10 and 11!!!!!

Okie.. enough of complains..time for me to get back to my readings.. what a nice compilation of bedtime stories. They never fail to make me yawn. =|

2006-11-29T21:43:00.000+08:00

GONE... this one eis really gone... i can't even ans half of the paper... haiz.. my gpa is gonna drop like shit... i can foresee a C... How scary it is.. No mood to talk.. i really can't get over this.. coz i really studied.. i really did..

This sem is like shit.. very very shitty...

It's so dark and cold in this bloody place.... juz like the canopy layer in the tropical forest.. and i'm right down there as a shrub...

~~Cum Laude~~
There u go... Goodbye...

2006-11-28T18:06:00.000+08:00

FUCK YOU...

My jaw dropped when i look at the bloody result page for my CAT module... i dun understand how the hell would I get a B for being above the average for mid term test and i fare reasonably okie for my assignments. My project are one of those that the prof commented that it was well done.. and now i got a bloody B..

I simply dun understand how could it be possible.. I was expecting at least a B+, even when i got my B+, i could only maintain my GPA for a Cum laude.. now is like.. gone... I wun feeel so angry and disappointed if i haven't put in effort and time in doing it well. But is like... i got a B for my MA, fine.. i admit my MA is like shit.. I got a B for my comms, i agree that my both spoken and written english are disastrous... but is like.. CAT lehz..... AIYO i dun understanddddd....

HAiz.. now it's time for cognitive dissonance to come to play.. I shall console myself that at least i met a helpful and good friend who is alwayz willing to lend me a helping hand before I fall to death... At least i noe that insanity and baldness are positively correlated and it's time for me to generate some good karma before i lose my hair. DAMN YOU... i mean it... i truly mean it...

2006-11-27T02:12:00.000+08:00

My mind kept wondering off while i was studying for my finance.. and it's just not my cup of tea. I've got no interest in watching the price rise and watching the stock price drops.. I've got no interest in how the market beta is related to the market risk premium.. how they rise and fall, in the end will fall back to that Security Market Line.. they all sounds like theories to me.. sth that i couldn't picture them to see how they works.. I guess i'm not that "guy" afterall to fall in love with finance.

I looked back at my past archives.. reading thru the countless complains i had during my poly time and luff at how bad they sounded... A few weeks back, i was telling myself that i couldn't make it to see my week 14, yet Me and bren managed to survive thru those tough times..

Now as i looked back.. I smiled. Lost some friends here and there.. but really thankful to keep few important ones. Someone i knew since secondary 1, who was on the other side of the phone hearing my cries when i broke up with my ex. =) I realized how much i blog abt me and my ex, where we went and stuff like that... but now.. everyday is sch.. i see louis in sch, met him for lunches, sometimes dinners, and some suppers, then a movie once every fortnight. Thats all.. i haven got the chance to walk down orchard road.. Nothing fantastic to blog about.. i din really spend his birthday with him too.. That's how cruel SMU is.. This new batch of students are CHAO Mugger, mainly from good jcs, with WOAH A level results.. I wonder how will the next batch be...

haiz.. now really lucky got bren.. to help and suffer along with me in this school... haiz.. i've got driving lesson tomolo, then my exam on wed, another one on saturday... Oh god... Can't wait for my weekends to come..

I need to sleep.. but i can't get to sleep... I wanted to take my flu med for my running nose, but i don't dare to do so as i'm afraid i wun be able to wake up tomolo.. Crapzz...

2006-11-26T03:41:00.000+08:00

i've got this exam illness.... flu and sore throat...

I'm getting flu almost everytime my exams are drawing near... AIyO.. For today, i juz kept sleeping.. fell into deeep deeep sleep.. can't wait for all these shit to be over....

I wan to go shopping!!! damn..

HUILING ARh.. i will call u once my exam over lahz.. coz now i learning drviing and studying for my exam.. =| Oh ya... Amelia juz found me in friendster... hmm.. really find back a long lost classmate.. hahahaa...

2006-11-24T04:53:00.000+08:00

well welll welllll..... 4.46am... finally rushed some shit out before the dateline tomolo... poor bren has been working on reports for days, rushing one after another. We are like fireman, trying to put out those fire before they burn our butt... then after all the reports, will be the final exams...

I dun dare to think about my finance... i dun dare to think about my technology and world changes module..

these two modules seems to be from outerspace and are far beyond what I can study....

I seriously need to stop aiming for the impossible-Magna CUm laude. I tink i got a cum laude i can luff till my teeth drop... =|

2006-11-18T17:49:00.000+08:00

Blinded by the annual statemnets... those numbers, NPV, discounted cashflow, and those bloody expenses are driving me nuts.. i really dun understand why marketing need to input finance stufff.... The company is so big!!! why can't they pass it to the finance department.... bloody helll...

2006-11-15T17:56:00.000+08:00

Today is finally more or less over, 2 presentation done, 1 report down... tomolo shall be another presentation and report... hmm...

was quite disappointed with the grades... suan le bahz... shall do better in the coming term paper... i miss my bed... i wan to get to bed.. shall go over to bren house later for finance report which is due tomolo... shittty stuff... and the report is not even half done... haiz...

i need some sleeeeep....

2006-11-13T22:27:00.000+08:00

Dun wish to talk, dun wish to think.. all i wanted to do is hide in my own space with my soft toys, let me drift away from these cruel datelines that i got to meet.. I wan those smoothing music.. i wan my own space.. i need a comforting hug, to smell the familiar scent of him..

All these are not happening.. coz i can even dreamt of finance SML line in my dreams... crappp.. thats how crap it is..

From time to time, i need to pinch myself, to make sure i'm alive, to make sure i can breathe thru the stacks of books covering me..

--- Conversation between my dad and me ----

dad: If i know u will study until like that, i rather you go to work.
me: Now is already too late.

Dad: hai.. see u so study until so cham, but why you still gain weight?
Me: coz your daughter has been eating books.

Dad: is better than u eating air in future.

Very very constructive... thank you dad... but it is not funnie.. but suddenly, i got the feeling of crying.. i'm self-pitying myself again... Pms.. it muz be.. PMS...

i'm feeling really really down... juz stay away...

2006-11-11T13:32:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was Louis Birthday... but we truly stayed in sch till 11.45... HOW COOL and ROMANTIC.. Poor him.. he was trying to rush out his project, while i'm on the other side of the sch trying to figure what WHAT IS FINANCE and market beta... while bren is at home struggling with the different excel sheets that everyone has been trying to do... but NO analysis.. everyone of us dunno how to analyse the findings.. haiz..

and the only guy in our grp is like a monkey.. can't do work for nuts.. ACT as though he can do.. but we need to clear his shit... I think he dun deserve to be a guy at all lahz... haiz...

Now i am being a very good gf... accompany louis to school... while he meet his groupmates for the meeting, i stayed in the library to finish up the finance and try to analyse more data...

Poor chris.. we have been bugging him with all kinds of stupid questions.. and he got a hard time explaining to us... well.. we shall stike off that asshole name and put urs instead...

~~CHONG ZHIXIN~~ Christopher PANG

2006-11-09T21:56:00.000+08:00

my school library juz join in the 24 hours clan.... A 24 hours Library right smack in the middle of the city.. HOW COOOOLL... What can this tells us about SMU culture....

... i got this quote from my friend: If enough of us stop mugging, smu will be a much better place.

I truly agrreeeeeee.....

2006-11-09T00:04:00.000+08:00

take some time off by blogging and venting some of the grievances that has been accumulating and accumulating over time.. this is what it is called compounded grievances.. the amazing thing is that it is compounded in every minute.. so it juz keep goin...

Haiz... i juz took like 4 hours to understand the bloody finance which actually at the end of it, i dun really do understand.. idiotic... And i got to study for my marketing quiz which is tomolo as welll... cups and cups of tea, packets and packets of tibits, bars and bars of chocolate... they can keep me sane and stay reasonably awake to start reading the thick textbooks.

Those smiley photos and friendly professors that all of u all saw on posters and websites are all fakes.. Now whenever i step into schools, students are like walking zombies.. Not those happy and active students u all see on the posters.

GSRs are like occupied, even into late nights.. Ppl are typing on their laptop from morning till late night.. my school's foodcourt's business is getting better and better as we move into the week 12 and 13 when all datelines gash towards u like a tsunami wave.. almost everyone is taking at least 2 meals in school, some even 3 or 4, considering they stayed over in school...

Smu is promoted as a stress free campus.. the stress there is indeed free.. everyone gets a fair share of it.. Time to get back to my marketing.. my GPA is gonna drop like dead bees, and maybe i can forget abt international exchange programme...

2006-11-06T23:21:00.000+08:00

i guess i really lose the motivation to work hard.. Back in poly, i strived to get into uni.. i worked hard... When i'm a teenager, i worked hard to get as much sales as i can, to earn the money for those beautiful things that i alwayz wanted. Out of my stubbornness, i decided to be financially independent... to lessen the financial burden for my family.. now as i think back, i'm a far more sensible and hardworking kid back when i'm 16 or 18... so what is happening to me now...

Now in Uni, i lost my motivation to work hard.. coz a good cert dun necessarily guarantee a good job... GPA isn't a strong reason for me to put in extra effort... I'm so NUA... like those mud along the road... aiYo....

Enough of the whinings, get back to my readings... Until now i haven even finish 3/4 of what will be tested tomolo.. wish me luck.... haiz...

2006-11-04T16:33:00.000+08:00

reports are piling up ... everyone is making the same comment.. there is A LOT to do, not having A LOT of time to complete... It's the first time i got so much on hand thaat i dunno which to start with.. coz almost all gona due on the same week or the next. lalalaa... I'm not getting stressed out yet.. i juz trying to clear as much as i can.. i am like those road cleaners.... the leaves of the trees will keep failling, and all i can do is keep sweeping, to stop it from flooding the road..

I learnt something... Paranoid only cause things to get worse... coz i can't concentrate on what to do, to do my best... so juz handle on at a time.. take a deep breathe and go on to the next... typing and typing... since morning i have been sitting in front of my com to type, pause to click on links, then start typing.. wah,... how miserable it is... I need to go out shopping lahz...

OOOhz!!! i might be goin to hongkong on dec hols!!!! my sweeet dear says that he dun mind topping up to those i have and bring me out to relax.. hahaa!!! so excited.. if nothing goes wrong, will be goin off with peipie and andy.. i got someone to go shoppping with mee... and peipei is clearing those hotel and air tix booking shit for us.. poor u.. i promise i will come up with the plans and programs if we manage to get the hotel....

YEAH!!!! one month from now!! i shall be freeeeee!!!!!

2006-11-03T23:45:00.000+08:00

Ger, We will alwayz be missing u... it has been 9 months... but memories still stay fresh... and u are still as pretty as ever..

Love you... =)